Progressing the story

Storytelling in songs are my most favorite part and the one thing I try to pay the most attention to in songs. Look at your favorite songs and my guess is there is a story going on. It might be a very short one like the one Brown Eyed Girl, or could be elaborate like The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, but there is a story going on.

In the workshop I attended with Pierce Pettis, he talked a lot about continuing a story through the song. Don’t have a structure like this:

Verse 1: Betty lives alone in a dirty one room flat
Verse 2: She’s poor and old and has no friends
Verse 3: It sure is sad about how miserable Betty is.

In contrast, Pierce offered this story line:

Verse 1: Betty lives alone in a dirty one room flat
Verse 2: She was once beautiful and famous with a handsome beau
Verse 3: Her lover was killed and she never recovered.

If you want to read lyrics with that type of transition from Pierce, look up the lyrics for Little River Canyon. It has some of my most favorite lines, including, “heads more full of hormones, than brains”, and how he compares making out into a car as “holding your baby like a floatation device” is incredible as he weaves both the story into the running imagery of the swimming in a river canyon. Then the story is basically: Verse 1 remember when you were a kid, Verse 2 remember when you were a teen, and Verse 3 remember when you went back home to visit when you were older. Heck it’s a great story that we all can relate to, and probably write our own version.

So a mission of a songwriter, tell a story in 3-4 minutes, keep it interesting, and write something that people can identify. I’d love to write a story about traveling to and living on the moon, but not a lot people can identify with that, but as the Pettis song above demonstrates, we can all relate to that story line even if you didn’t grow up in Alabama.

So here’s one of my story songs, about a subject matter that I have to admit I’ve only encounter by watching them in movies, listening to stories from others, and just daydreaming a little. Prostitutes are not one that many of us would ever readily admit to experiencing, but we all could paint a picture. My story here is basically about one makes good money, maybe because she’s good, maybe because she steals, or maybe she kills her Johns. There has been a resurgence of poker, and since I grew up playing it those images, plus the devil at play seemed to provide an excellent backdrop. I attempt to weave the gambling Jack’s better, into call the trick “Jack” rather John. I actually wish there more like that in the song. The story isn’t elaborate, but it progresses so it’s not real taxing on the listener to keep up with the story. I deliberately repeated lines, and didn’t do them to make it easier to write.

Let me know what you think.


Diamonds on her Shoes by Dave Schipper Rose Riversongs © 2005

She’s got diamonds on her shoes, she’s paid her dues
She’s slick as a cat, and that’s a fact.
Street worn, some bed sheets torn
Call her late, it’s worth the wait

Chorus
The night is filled with souls like her
The devil has his cards laid out
It’s deuces wild, with Jacks better
Tonight the stakes might just be lights out

It’s just a sales trip, the Jack lets slip
Pocket full of cash, and his mind of ash
A night full of tricks, next day full of shit
He called her late, and it spelled his fate.

Back on the street, she does compete
She’s slick as a cat, and known for that
More diamonds on her shoes, she doesn’t lose
Call her late, and test your fate.